Why You Need A Tribe
Rebecca, 44, is a Bay Area parent with an inflexible work schedule. She and her husband had pieced together a division of duties that kept the whole family’s busy schedules humming. Rebecca and her husband are now separating, and the logistics of their arrangement no longer work. Carl, 57, now has joint physical custody of his three, school-aged children; two of whom have special needs. His wife is returning to work after 15 years, and Carl faces a big learning curve on hands-on childcare.
Transitioning from coupledom to life as a single parent can be a jolting reorientation and it can feel like sprinting across a tightrope without a net. How do you and your family get through it? That’s where the tribe comes in.
A Tribe In Action
In the immortal words of Joe Cocker: you can ”get by with a little help from your friends”. It’s working for Rebecca. Through a friend, Rebecca found a skilled family law attorney who will mediate her separation and prepare a separation agreement to file with the court. Through another friend, she found an accountant who will look over her new budget and answer a question about how selecting Head of Household tax status could impact the Dissomaster formula for spousal support she may receive. When she shared news of her separation with her inner circle, several friends stepped up, volunteering to be added as authorized persons to pick her daughter up from school should Rebecca find herself in a pinch. For eons, people have banded together to create mutually-beneficial social groups in order to survive. In fact, humanity may be at its best when the chips are down and we pull together.
How Do You Build a Tribe?
What if you’re new in town? Or, if the demands of career and family have stunted your social life; what then? It’s never too late to strengthen your tribe; here’s how: Get to know your neighbors. Borrow a cup of sugar, return it with a brownie dividend. Get to know other parents at your child’s school, invite another family over for Friday night pizza in your backyard. Help a pal with a landscaping project. Welcome a neighbor’s new baby with a pot of daisies. Whether you’re a man or woman, having an inner circle of friends who’ve “got your back” adds richness and comfort to your life. A strong connection to friends and community does not fill in all the gaps left from a separation or divorce, but the reminder that you are not alone in the world is enormously beneficial for you and your children. The important thing is to cultivate friendship: give your friendship, give your time, lend an ear, lend a hand. Enjoy the people in your life.
